Today I felt like running away from my office, from this city.
One year ago… It is a daily struggle to commit to your passions and interests beyond your day job. But when your day job does not motivate you to wake up in the morning – only to enjoy the crisp morning air with the sun rising – you are draining your precious energy on it. This is my current life situation. I am demotivated, and I want a change.
But I am not taking any step towards the change. My brain is in a constant zone of procrastination, as it tells me to leave things until tomorrow or the next week. I have wasted my year and the time thinking how will I do anything. But my problem is that I see the end, but I fail to vision the journey. I fail to create a map towards my end goal. This makes me horrible at planning things for myself.
I have taken the support of small group of planners who push each other to achieve your goals, to strive for what you wish to do. It got me hyped up in the beginning, but I am stuck in the same place for more than a year.
This blog has been in the drafts over a year, collecting dust. My consciousness only reminds me about the existence of this blog when I’m feeling low, but I still don’t do anything about it.
I wish to write. Really, I do. I want to journal, make art, and do calligraphy. To just…create.
I am so done. I already have patience. All I need is faith, prayers (maybe a miracle) and the highest faith in Allah.
I’ve had a fair share of travelling experience in my life, solo and with family, but one that holds a special place in my heart is Scotland (Alba in Gaelic). It has continued to do so since my first trip in 2013.
I might have mentioned this in my blog in the past – when I returned from my 6-day trip in Scotland, bedazzled, I wrote on my bucket list to ‘study/live in Scotland’. Those are the precise words. I would never have imagined that I would cross off the achievement 7 years later.
My time in Edinburgh was nothing short of living THE dream. Hands down, it was the best experience of my life! Although it might have been my first time away from home, but doing what I wanted (nothing sinful, ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّٰهِ) whenever I wanted gave me the freedom and peace of mind I had been longing for.
From hikes, to taking the train to a new city, taking a trip a day before lockdown, to crossing the same paths everyday, there was always a vibe to everything in the city which was calming and fulfilling. I found amazing friends and lost the ones that weren’t meant to be. The city broke me in some ways but made me in many others.
Leaving the city was like letting go of a loved one. I wished for myself to never have to leave. I long to go back and I wish that I get to revisit soon.
In 2013, I left a piece of me in Scotland. In 2020, I left my entire soul.
We’ll unite again, oh dear Edinburgh. I patiently wait for that day to arrive.
So it’s been quite some time since I’ve visited my own blog. And to be honest I hated the way it looked. Too black and too dull and very bland. That’s why I decided to renovate it. Maybe it will attract me towards it, and hence to write more on it. For now it still looks a bit dull but I refreshned it to pump myself up. And I renamed it from ‘Anam’s Blog’ to ‘All Things Anam’. Gives it a more lively and approachable touch.
Anyway, since the last time I posted a lot of things have happened. I’ve graduated from university with a bachelor’s degree in Marketing. And I haven’t managed to get an internship/job since then.
Actually, I never wanted a job in the first place. I’ve seen two of my sisters working their ass off at their workplace and it just brings them loads of tiredness, responsibilities and stress. And this demotivates me a lot. I don’t care about the money, but I’m just not able to take high levels of stress. I end up in a huge breakdown.
But then I also have some responsibility as a member of my family towards my parents. I don’t want to let them down. They’ve paid huge sums of money for my education and what I give them back is nothing? I want to give them a reason to be proud of me. And by giving them back I want to support them. But I have to be happy too.
Last year I stumbled upon two self taught calligraphers on Instagram – thefozzybook and melissapher. And I was instantly attracted to the art of penmanship and the style they learnt. Unfortunately I had no resources back then and I did not have a credit card to buy all the tools online. And plus I was still in my last semester so I wouldn’t have the time to practice it.
Fast forwarding events to this year, I bought the guide I needed, the tools and supplies with a prepaid credit card (genius stuff!).
But I’ve become so lazy lately with all the free time I have that I do not practice everyday, and sometimes I skip week(s).
So that’s why I decided to get this blog up and running. I would like to share my experience, work, practice and improvement on the art of calligraphy. It won’t be easy but I have to do it. I’ve finally got a chance to do what I like and I want to do it to the fullest!
If you people keep pushing me, critiquing and loving my work, it will keep me motivated and going.
And I really want to take this forward and learn all kinds of calligraphy styles once I’m ready to learn the next. And maybe this passion will lead me into something more commercial and maybe a small business.
I’m very keen and excited to learn and I want all the people reading my blog to get on this journey with me. I want to be motivated and I want to inspire people out there who are still on the lookout for their true and hidden passions and talents.
I will be practicing today (after a long time) and I will be posting my work regularly.
I just had to get all of this out and I feel very light to have done so over here.
See you until next time.
And wishing all my Muslim friends out there a blessed month of Ramadan. 🙂